2-month Long

Just a little mark, coz I need it.

So, my first feeling for some only last for 2 months. And I shall seriously let go of my feeling slowly. Well, I'm still glad that I've a FRIEND like him, but never a lover? Maybe we'll better as friends? I dunno, coz I can never know how he exactly THINKS, so many suspicious actions!

Anyway, tho there is still uncertainty left, career comes first.

Rock on, CK.

Guilty Pleasure

I guess it's true, I have feelings for him.

How could I stand my friend up then lied to her that I was having a meeting with workmates but in fact I was having lunch with him, whining about our frustrations?! Tho I know we share the same kind of mindset over many things, and I am glad he still remembers I am doing the MPhil things,I feel happy about this. And totally was happy when he said "I understood! I know how it's felt like, it's troubling"...but then? I did not hesitate about lying to my friend to cover this fake dating. And I certainly feel guilty about it. Guilty pleasure, huh?

But obviously I think he just treats me like a little sister. Brother, huh? Finally I have one, but this one, I think I certainly dun want to be friends only.

Gosh, I dun want to be disturbed anymore! Make it fast, if there's something between us, I hope he can notice and come to me and things shall be done!! What the heck, why would I becoming like this?

I hate all kinds of uncertainty!!!!!!!!!

Plus, am I changed?

Feel. Doubts. Frustration

I guess, for the very first time, I can say "Never knew I can feel like this".

Yes, I think I have feeling for some one. Being troubled by the sight of this guy for quite a number of days, I only know that he is frequently on my mind. And I totally wanna talk to him - it doesn't matter if the topic is simply about my MPhil attempt or comp lit or mundane daily lives.

Can this be diagnosed as "love" or just "admire towards a senpai"? I dunno know. Even tho I clearly see that my mind is becoming less troubled by thinking of him, I still can't put a figure on it.

What is the most certain thing is, I absolutely have affection for brotherly figures. And I absolutely see myself in him.

That's all.

Oh, and I know I can't act rush at this moment. Thus I can't make any bold acts. Yes Master Jack, I know I must not do anything stupid.

Time will tell.

I have been single for 23 years, it's not bad to wait a little bit more. Besides, I have learnt how to be a good single for ages, it won't hurt that much if I remind in this way.

Concert Practices

It turns out that history is repeating, again. No summer job interview, not even news from "Dialogue" - tho I guess they are still recruiting new writers - I think I will have a dull summer again, well, except for the big event in AUG. LOL

What if one day I become rich and famous (quoted from "The Diary of a Wimpy Kid", good book!!), I am sure whatever my memoir is gonna be, the part about my youth would be a piece of shit.

Talking about youth, I am thinking about the kids I saw earlier at the train station. From their "kits" (like banners, fluorescent stick, etc) and the fact that the train station is just beside of the coliseum which is a popular place for lives and pop concerts, I was sure that the kids were fans of some band or something. Staring at them, my mum went like "would they be as enthusiastic as now when they are doing school?" And I just burst into a big laugh. I remember that when I was in the high school, concerts and lives are no-go for me. One I did not have enough money. Two my favorite bands are Japanese and they did not come usual. Three my parents were quite against these kinds of function and I couldn't figure out why, even now. I wondered if there was an age-limit for them about these things cuz now, I am a concert-goer - whatever artists or bands are coming, as long as I can find someone to accompany me and the ticket price is reasonable, plus it can accommodate with my schedule, I will go. Indeed, I am kinda addicted to live performance as now I am interested in drama, musical, stand-up comedy and things like that.

But talking about lives and concerts, from the kids I saw at the train station, I realized one funny thing: fans of Asian bands (esp Hong Kong and Taiwan) love to use what I call "kits" in concerts, however we seldom found fans in other places bring stuff to lives. Now I have to say that I am not doing racial discrimination but just see this as some cultural phenomenon. Maybe it's due to the different habits in concerts. In Hong Kong, local bands and artists love to go to places where people can sit during the concert. It sounds like locals don't like standing. However for me, I think standing gives you more space to dance or move in the music. Anyway, maybe due to this sitting habit, local fans love to bring banners or lighting stuff as a kind of enhancement of the atmosphere, or, attraction - they hope the lighting stuff can make their idols turn their heads and have certain kind of communication with them.

So the problem comes to me is, is it the live music that they want in a concert or they just want to see their idols? For me, I think going concerts is for the sake of enjoying live music, seeking that kind of feeling totally different from listening to iPod. Of cause seeing the bands in person is a kind of pleasure but what's more important is the music, so why striking for the artists' attention while you gotta throw yourself into the sea of music? Personally I think that's kinda tiring, taking care of sth except of music in such kind of occasion.

But there is something undeniable is that, the pop concert culture in different places are different. (OK, I know that's too general for conclusion but what do you ask for? I am just mumbling in this blog!)

Writing about writing letter

Just re-watched the trailer of The Lake House, definitely not the greatest love story but it's def my favorite one in all time.

Talking about this old-fashioned thing like making a pen pal, even tho I'm born and brought up in such an era of high technology, I think I would like to have a pen pal if ever possible. I'm not talking about e-mailing but actual, physical mails. I remember it was like 3 to 5 years ago when I first received a hand-written letter from a friend who were (and still is) studying abroad. That warm feeling aroused from reading the messy words was fantastic. Later I figured that it probably was because I sensed my friend's care by taking her time, sitting in front of her desk and WROTE something for me. Recently many friends are kinda addicted to travelling and they would send postcards. It's the same kind of sweet felt as the time I got my letter from the friend mentioned. Hand-written words may not be perfect, but they def do much more than computer generated fonts.

Plus, maybe this is such an era of high technology, everything low tech becomes romantic in some senses! Discovering a friend who knows your heart or even the one you are meant for thru exchanging hand-written letters is somehow romantic in this era of efficiency. Slow things down and take a closer look on who you are talking to. Holding the paper in your hand makes the words being read so real that even the sender is someone you think will never write to you. It's that touch of personal that beautifies everything. Ok, confession time. Once I requested someone I liked wrote to me when the sender did not know me! That's a long story but, the main point is, this person did write to me when I thought the request was overlooked or ignored somehow. That's truly surprising at the moment I opened my mailbox and held that pretty laughable envelope in my own hand (coz I just couldn't imagine someone like this person would use letter pad with Japanese cartoon on it!!!). It was magical and I still remember that I laughed on the street, that must be pretty awful, I know. Pity that that was all between us, I told him that I got the letter and I would love to return, but there was no reply. I couldn't acquire his address. And the story ended there, just one letter that I can never reply is left.

It's been a while since I got this letter. Sometimes I would think what would happen if  we continue to write to each other. We have common interest in music as far as I know, and sounds like we both enjoy having breakfast under sunshine. Maybe we were not meant for each other but I always imagine that we could be good friends. Anyway, it's all gone and that letter ends up in a safe place. It now becomes a symbol that represents my happy year 1.

I always think there is something can't be replaced by tech. Maybe writing a letter by your own hands is one of them. Writing letters is fun, anyway!!!

Blog No. 1

It's all just out of boredom.

I dunno why summer vacation is always the one vacation that makes me depressed. Maybe it's due to the long duration. I am that kinda idiot that needs to be kept occupied. In Chinese there's a term that can describe people like me very accurately: 犯賤. Who says there is no abstract nouns in Chinese?!

I dunno for how long I will keep this blog living. Like Xanga, it's half dead now, except for keeping me update from friends. But now we have Facebook and Twitter, why bother using Xanga? It's somehow and actually less effective (just because it's less popular now...what a pity). But as you may know, the world starts to hate Facebook that there is plan to quit massively.

So, enuf for introduction for the intention of this blog.

See if I would be a "double-lost youngster" again in this summer...