Spirited Away

Indeed as one my humorous colleagues said, "harmony-fication" is not something so far away that mostly be found in Mainland China - it's happening on me.

It's been almost a month for me to work in this almost-heaven design house. Well, one of the facts that it cannot be qualified be the real heaven is that my name is taken away - just like how Chihiro in Spirited Away is forced to call herself as Sen, I am forced to change the way people call me because my first name happens to be the same as one of my bosses...

That's why I always feel like I am acting as someone else in the office whenever some one calls me up.

Just a bit grumpy-ness

Sunny.

It’s the third week now and I still find myself living in a dream…I mean, everything is so surreal that I feel like I was in a dream…or am I dreaming a damn long dream?

But one thing keeps telling me I am living in the truth now: not everything is going in the way I wanted. If it was a dream, there would be a handsome young man who was my partner, some exciting projects like a new campaign for Harbour City (coz I hate that 做女人點可以唔化)…

Now, yes, at least I have a bunch of good mates and we are achieving something together, but that “something” is some something that is not my “something”…events, events and events. I love planning something, but my heart still belongs to real advertisement, not some PR promotional events…

I wish someday my comp will be able to do more serious advert, keeping on doing events? I feel like it’s wasting our talents, also mine. LOL

Getting nervous again

Yep, tomorrow I will start a new page of life - attending my first full-time job, as a fresh graduate.

Actually I am so nervous about this coz there is too much uncertainty: will my assignment to be hard? Will I be able to handle it? Would I make myself look stupid? How about my colleagues-to-be? Are all as (seemingly) nice as the HR manager?

The point is, WILL I SURVIVE?

Tho I know I should not see myself as Yoshiki since he is, actually, not a normal human being. (LOL) However his way of doing things is kinda like what I am being positioned now: taking risks, facing uncertainty in every second. Like he always does, I wanna say "sleepless again!" too.

But will I be able to tackle almost all the obstacles as beautifully as he does?

Now the music of X and the magical voice of Toshi can be my only sleeping pills for this night...

Once again, I am surrounded by hopes and fears at the same time.

Oh my God, please grant me your kindness, I will need it...especially this week and next *smile*

Sometimes, you need to be defeated

I think now I know what to say if I am asked the question: "what is your biggest weakness?"

"The haunting desperate desire of being totally independent from the others"

I always overestimate myself in the way that I think if I am going to ask somebody else "what to do?" is a kind of shame. You need to ask because you can't work it by yourself. But the fact is it's because I am a stranger to this kinda thing that I need guidance!

I love to learn, but only when I am at school - where the only thing to do is TO LEARN. However that's not the fact, we've things to learn whenever you need the knowledge that we do not have.

My confidence make me strong, but at the same time, it makes me weak.

I think I will have to learn how to master it, on top of all kinda skills.

Job-hunting, indeed it's another project I am going to accomplish.

The Bravery for a Brand New Start

"None of us can ever be freed from worrying since every one of us is surrounded by hopes and fears at the same time. If these two elements have equal shares in life, then I wish I can have more hopes, even it's just 1% more" - Yoshiki.

Just wanted to say, I regain my bravery from these words. I think I need to thank God for arranging my chance encounter with the super song "Art of Life" (which has been in my computer for so long that I did not listen to it carefully till now? No way, this must be God's doing LOL) that leads me to the fascination about X Japan and its leader Yoshiki, who truly inspires me as an human being, a crazy perfectionist and a man who always places himself as the fighter against all odds in life.

Now I only pray for a good job that allows me to develop my career path as THE copywriter in the field of Advertising...this is what I need for burning my life like Yoshiki does.

In the end, I just one thing for me to grab on.

I wanna be this man

When I first read the biography of YOSHIKI, the drummer/pianist/leader of the legendary band X Japan, I just thought: "Wow...this man is God. How come he can push his limit further and further, again and again? Besides a good singing voice, this man has everything!"

And then I realized, he is my ultimate role model - no matter what kind of person I am becoming, with his kind of extreme fearlessness, impossible is nothing.

Or, am I just overestimating myself again?

Things got fucked up again

One little chance encounter, and my mind is messed up again.

It's for sure he senses nothing about my subtle affection, which is already frustrating, but I have never thought I would still stirred by his mere presence at this stage which I have told myself to let him go! Shit, how come I would become like this?

Even more frustrating, I did enjoy the interaction with him...DUGH!!!!!

Just, pull yourself together ok?!

The CK who is proud of her rationalism...has gone?! Ah...please, someone help me...

Love is in the Air XD

So 25 is really the age to get married XD

Can't believe that two of my friends are getting married this year (or next, anyway soon enough before the World's End), and the good thing is I am quite confident that both the husbands are the one respectively for my friends! That's so nice.

For God's sake!

Ok, here is the story, a friend of mine who I think has never grown up from her teenage self is trying her best to annoy people around her, who, in this case, is me, again...dugh...

What the heck, this is one of the most annoying things she has ever done. The story is like this: she has this male friend and they are very close with each other - so close that they can discuss, not do, sexual things very easily (tho I have heard of this guy for loads of times, I have never come to know him personally...wait, does he know about me? I bet she would talk lots about me...GOSH! THIS IS NO GOOD!!!) and they treat each other so well that everyone will take them as a couple in relationship, just by description. I have not heard from them for quite a long time which things are fine for me and based on what I know, I think the guy has feeling for my friend!! Considering my case that ends up to be endless struggling, I think she should make a confess to him skillfully, in order to protect their friendship.

Counting My Days - Day 3

Tiring day.

The longer you stay in one place, the lamer this place become. It's true. It's frigging exciting that you couldn't know the venue of a class till the last minute. Anyway, Critiques of Modernity is another thought-demanding course...workload is not heavy, but very demanding. Just like the Film Translation last year.

It's good to see Alan my dear instructor again. And I can't believe that he still remember my name! Both English and Chinese!! Maybe my name is too easily to be remembered? I dunno, but it's happy to attend his lectures again. Why can every lecturers and professors are like him? Or Dr. Ng? Side track, according to my general observation, it seems that in university, males are better than females in terms of teaching, mostly.

And that trouble is still troubling me. Jesus Christ! How come letting go of feelings is such a hard things to do?!

Counting My Days - Day 2

It's a day of frustration, honestly.

Not only my good breakfast was ruined because a stupid washing machine went malfunction, the morning class was no surprise. The point is, I fall into serious dilemma AGAIN. Damn.

On one hand it's Urban Studies, something I've been waiting for after "City as Cultural Text". Yes, it's interesting however heavy workload. On the other I have Gender and Society, which is easy and workload is relatively lighter than the former. HOWEVER, the teaching style and the content are frigging boring, so boring that you will wanna skip...well, as a senior student, is it the kind of course that I need, which you can still survive with high skipping frequency LOL

Anyway, thanks Carrie for supporting my solution of this dilemma: take A, sit B.

Well, still 3 days of shopping to go.

And...tho my sense is telling me to let HIM go because anyway he doesn't know a thing about my feelings so why bother to bother myself on this? However I have been hoping to bump into him around the campus in ANY MINUTE...gosh, is it so hard to wash a feeling away? Shit, I wasted some hours after school for this and it was damn tiring. I kinda hate myself for having this thought still. It's very much unlike the situation when I was expecting to see the gorgeous Mr. Webb around the campus because it was pure admire. And that's it, nothing more. But now in addition of expecting to see him physically, I am expecting something more...keep yourself together, CK! It's the last semester and every step has to be taken carefully because any tiny mistake can be fatal.

Ok, I'm good, keep me busy, keep me occupied, I need to kick him out.

Counting My Days - Day 1

Considering this is gonna be my last semester in university as an undergraduate - no matter if I can continue my studies in the near future, I think it will be nice for me to keep a detailed journal about it. It's the mark of the end of my life as a student anyway.

So today's the first school day of my third year of studies, second semester. And it was kinda a not-so-good start for me to miss the breakfast...ah, have to make it tmr! A good breakfast is EVERYTHING.

Just some clicks and I have officially said good bye to French at school...how come things can come and go so easily? It's just one click away and it is done, is it too easy? However it was one of the most uneasy course I have gone thru, honestly. It drove me crazy and it made my lost my passion in this language...is it because I don't have a good sense in European language or is it the limit of my ability? I don't know, I just know that the teachers are problematic, some of the students are problematic, and the whole thing is problematic that I should have said good bye to it one semester early! Well, I think I can at least save a bit of my GPA of this very last semester...