Tiring day.
The longer you stay in one place, the lamer this place become. It's true. It's frigging exciting that you couldn't know the venue of a class till the last minute. Anyway, Critiques of Modernity is another thought-demanding course...workload is not heavy, but very demanding. Just like the Film Translation last year.
It's good to see Alan my dear instructor again. And I can't believe that he still remember my name! Both English and Chinese!! Maybe my name is too easily to be remembered? I dunno, but it's happy to attend his lectures again. Why can every lecturers and professors are like him? Or Dr. Ng? Side track, according to my general observation, it seems that in university, males are better than females in terms of teaching, mostly.
And that trouble is still troubling me. Jesus Christ! How come letting go of feelings is such a hard things to do?!
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Counting My Days - Day 2
It's a day of frustration, honestly.
Not only my good breakfast was ruined because a stupid washing machine went malfunction, the morning class was no surprise. The point is, I fall into serious dilemma AGAIN. Damn.
On one hand it's Urban Studies, something I've been waiting for after "City as Cultural Text". Yes, it's interesting however heavy workload. On the other I have Gender and Society, which is easy and workload is relatively lighter than the former. HOWEVER, the teaching style and the content are frigging boring, so boring that you will wanna skip...well, as a senior student, is it the kind of course that I need, which you can still survive with high skipping frequency LOL
Anyway, thanks Carrie for supporting my solution of this dilemma: take A, sit B.
Well, still 3 days of shopping to go.
And...tho my sense is telling me to let HIM go because anyway he doesn't know a thing about my feelings so why bother to bother myself on this? However I have been hoping to bump into him around the campus in ANY MINUTE...gosh, is it so hard to wash a feeling away? Shit, I wasted some hours after school for this and it was damn tiring. I kinda hate myself for having this thought still. It's very much unlike the situation when I was expecting to see the gorgeous Mr. Webb around the campus because it was pure admire. And that's it, nothing more. But now in addition of expecting to see him physically, I am expecting something more...keep yourself together, CK! It's the last semester and every step has to be taken carefully because any tiny mistake can be fatal.
Ok, I'm good, keep me busy, keep me occupied, I need to kick him out.
Not only my good breakfast was ruined because a stupid washing machine went malfunction, the morning class was no surprise. The point is, I fall into serious dilemma AGAIN. Damn.
On one hand it's Urban Studies, something I've been waiting for after "City as Cultural Text". Yes, it's interesting however heavy workload. On the other I have Gender and Society, which is easy and workload is relatively lighter than the former. HOWEVER, the teaching style and the content are frigging boring, so boring that you will wanna skip...well, as a senior student, is it the kind of course that I need, which you can still survive with high skipping frequency LOL
Anyway, thanks Carrie for supporting my solution of this dilemma: take A, sit B.
Well, still 3 days of shopping to go.
And...tho my sense is telling me to let HIM go because anyway he doesn't know a thing about my feelings so why bother to bother myself on this? However I have been hoping to bump into him around the campus in ANY MINUTE...gosh, is it so hard to wash a feeling away? Shit, I wasted some hours after school for this and it was damn tiring. I kinda hate myself for having this thought still. It's very much unlike the situation when I was expecting to see the gorgeous Mr. Webb around the campus because it was pure admire. And that's it, nothing more. But now in addition of expecting to see him physically, I am expecting something more...keep yourself together, CK! It's the last semester and every step has to be taken carefully because any tiny mistake can be fatal.
Ok, I'm good, keep me busy, keep me occupied, I need to kick him out.
Monday, January 10, 2011
Counting My Days - Day 1
Considering this is gonna be my last semester in university as an undergraduate - no matter if I can continue my studies in the near future, I think it will be nice for me to keep a detailed journal about it. It's the mark of the end of my life as a student anyway.
So today's the first school day of my third year of studies, second semester. And it was kinda a not-so-good start for me to miss the breakfast...ah, have to make it tmr! A good breakfast is EVERYTHING.
Just some clicks and I have officially said good bye to French at school...how come things can come and go so easily? It's just one click away and it is done, is it too easy? However it was one of the most uneasy course I have gone thru, honestly. It drove me crazy and it made my lost my passion in this language...is it because I don't have a good sense in European language or is it the limit of my ability? I don't know, I just know that the teachers are problematic, some of the students are problematic, and the whole thing is problematic that I should have said good bye to it one semester early! Well, I think I can at least save a bit of my GPA of this very last semester...
So today's the first school day of my third year of studies, second semester. And it was kinda a not-so-good start for me to miss the breakfast...ah, have to make it tmr! A good breakfast is EVERYTHING.
Just some clicks and I have officially said good bye to French at school...how come things can come and go so easily? It's just one click away and it is done, is it too easy? However it was one of the most uneasy course I have gone thru, honestly. It drove me crazy and it made my lost my passion in this language...is it because I don't have a good sense in European language or is it the limit of my ability? I don't know, I just know that the teachers are problematic, some of the students are problematic, and the whole thing is problematic that I should have said good bye to it one semester early! Well, I think I can at least save a bit of my GPA of this very last semester...
Sunday, December 12, 2010
2-month Long
Just a little mark, coz I need it.
So, my first feeling for some only last for 2 months. And I shall seriously let go of my feeling slowly. Well, I'm still glad that I've a FRIEND like him, but never a lover? Maybe we'll better as friends? I dunno, coz I can never know how he exactly THINKS, so many suspicious actions!
Anyway, tho there is still uncertainty left, career comes first.
Rock on, CK.
So, my first feeling for some only last for 2 months. And I shall seriously let go of my feeling slowly. Well, I'm still glad that I've a FRIEND like him, but never a lover? Maybe we'll better as friends? I dunno, coz I can never know how he exactly THINKS, so many suspicious actions!
Anyway, tho there is still uncertainty left, career comes first.
Rock on, CK.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Guilty Pleasure
I guess it's true, I have feelings for him.
How could I stand my friend up then lied to her that I was having a meeting with workmates but in fact I was having lunch with him, whining about our frustrations?! Tho I know we share the same kind of mindset over many things, and I am glad he still remembers I am doing the MPhil things,I feel happy about this. And totally was happy when he said "I understood! I know how it's felt like, it's troubling"...but then? I did not hesitate about lying to my friend to cover this fake dating. And I certainly feel guilty about it. Guilty pleasure, huh?
But obviously I think he just treats me like a little sister. Brother, huh? Finally I have one, but this one, I think I certainly dun want to be friends only.
Gosh, I dun want to be disturbed anymore! Make it fast, if there's something between us, I hope he can notice and come to me and things shall be done!! What the heck, why would I becoming like this?
I hate all kinds of uncertainty!!!!!!!!!
Plus, am I changed?
How could I stand my friend up then lied to her that I was having a meeting with workmates but in fact I was having lunch with him, whining about our frustrations?! Tho I know we share the same kind of mindset over many things, and I am glad he still remembers I am doing the MPhil things,I feel happy about this. And totally was happy when he said "I understood! I know how it's felt like, it's troubling"...but then? I did not hesitate about lying to my friend to cover this fake dating. And I certainly feel guilty about it. Guilty pleasure, huh?
But obviously I think he just treats me like a little sister. Brother, huh? Finally I have one, but this one, I think I certainly dun want to be friends only.
Gosh, I dun want to be disturbed anymore! Make it fast, if there's something between us, I hope he can notice and come to me and things shall be done!! What the heck, why would I becoming like this?
I hate all kinds of uncertainty!!!!!!!!!
Plus, am I changed?
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Feel. Doubts. Frustration
I guess, for the very first time, I can say "Never knew I can feel like this".
Yes, I think I have feeling for some one. Being troubled by the sight of this guy for quite a number of days, I only know that he is frequently on my mind. And I totally wanna talk to him - it doesn't matter if the topic is simply about my MPhil attempt or comp lit or mundane daily lives.
Can this be diagnosed as "love" or just "admire towards a senpai"? I dunno know. Even tho I clearly see that my mind is becoming less troubled by thinking of him, I still can't put a figure on it.
What is the most certain thing is, I absolutely have affection for brotherly figures. And I absolutely see myself in him.
That's all.
Oh, and I know I can't act rush at this moment. Thus I can't make any bold acts. Yes Master Jack, I know I must not do anything stupid.
Time will tell.
I have been single for 23 years, it's not bad to wait a little bit more. Besides, I have learnt how to be a good single for ages, it won't hurt that much if I remind in this way.
Yes, I think I have feeling for some one. Being troubled by the sight of this guy for quite a number of days, I only know that he is frequently on my mind. And I totally wanna talk to him - it doesn't matter if the topic is simply about my MPhil attempt or comp lit or mundane daily lives.
Can this be diagnosed as "love" or just "admire towards a senpai"? I dunno know. Even tho I clearly see that my mind is becoming less troubled by thinking of him, I still can't put a figure on it.
What is the most certain thing is, I absolutely have affection for brotherly figures. And I absolutely see myself in him.
That's all.
Oh, and I know I can't act rush at this moment. Thus I can't make any bold acts. Yes Master Jack, I know I must not do anything stupid.
Time will tell.
I have been single for 23 years, it's not bad to wait a little bit more. Besides, I have learnt how to be a good single for ages, it won't hurt that much if I remind in this way.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Concert Practices
It turns out that history is repeating, again. No summer job interview, not even news from "Dialogue" - tho I guess they are still recruiting new writers - I think I will have a dull summer again, well, except for the big event in AUG. LOL
What if one day I become rich and famous (quoted from "The Diary of a Wimpy Kid", good book!!), I am sure whatever my memoir is gonna be, the part about my youth would be a piece of shit.
Talking about youth, I am thinking about the kids I saw earlier at the train station. From their "kits" (like banners, fluorescent stick, etc) and the fact that the train station is just beside of the coliseum which is a popular place for lives and pop concerts, I was sure that the kids were fans of some band or something. Staring at them, my mum went like "would they be as enthusiastic as now when they are doing school?" And I just burst into a big laugh. I remember that when I was in the high school, concerts and lives are no-go for me. One I did not have enough money. Two my favorite bands are Japanese and they did not come usual. Three my parents were quite against these kinds of function and I couldn't figure out why, even now. I wondered if there was an age-limit for them about these things cuz now, I am a concert-goer - whatever artists or bands are coming, as long as I can find someone to accompany me and the ticket price is reasonable, plus it can accommodate with my schedule, I will go. Indeed, I am kinda addicted to live performance as now I am interested in drama, musical, stand-up comedy and things like that.
But talking about lives and concerts, from the kids I saw at the train station, I realized one funny thing: fans of Asian bands (esp Hong Kong and Taiwan) love to use what I call "kits" in concerts, however we seldom found fans in other places bring stuff to lives. Now I have to say that I am not doing racial discrimination but just see this as some cultural phenomenon. Maybe it's due to the different habits in concerts. In Hong Kong, local bands and artists love to go to places where people can sit during the concert. It sounds like locals don't like standing. However for me, I think standing gives you more space to dance or move in the music. Anyway, maybe due to this sitting habit, local fans love to bring banners or lighting stuff as a kind of enhancement of the atmosphere, or, attraction - they hope the lighting stuff can make their idols turn their heads and have certain kind of communication with them.
So the problem comes to me is, is it the live music that they want in a concert or they just want to see their idols? For me, I think going concerts is for the sake of enjoying live music, seeking that kind of feeling totally different from listening to iPod. Of cause seeing the bands in person is a kind of pleasure but what's more important is the music, so why striking for the artists' attention while you gotta throw yourself into the sea of music? Personally I think that's kinda tiring, taking care of sth except of music in such kind of occasion.
But there is something undeniable is that, the pop concert culture in different places are different. (OK, I know that's too general for conclusion but what do you ask for? I am just mumbling in this blog!)
What if one day I become rich and famous (quoted from "The Diary of a Wimpy Kid", good book!!), I am sure whatever my memoir is gonna be, the part about my youth would be a piece of shit.
Talking about youth, I am thinking about the kids I saw earlier at the train station. From their "kits" (like banners, fluorescent stick, etc) and the fact that the train station is just beside of the coliseum which is a popular place for lives and pop concerts, I was sure that the kids were fans of some band or something. Staring at them, my mum went like "would they be as enthusiastic as now when they are doing school?" And I just burst into a big laugh. I remember that when I was in the high school, concerts and lives are no-go for me. One I did not have enough money. Two my favorite bands are Japanese and they did not come usual. Three my parents were quite against these kinds of function and I couldn't figure out why, even now. I wondered if there was an age-limit for them about these things cuz now, I am a concert-goer - whatever artists or bands are coming, as long as I can find someone to accompany me and the ticket price is reasonable, plus it can accommodate with my schedule, I will go. Indeed, I am kinda addicted to live performance as now I am interested in drama, musical, stand-up comedy and things like that.
But talking about lives and concerts, from the kids I saw at the train station, I realized one funny thing: fans of Asian bands (esp Hong Kong and Taiwan) love to use what I call "kits" in concerts, however we seldom found fans in other places bring stuff to lives. Now I have to say that I am not doing racial discrimination but just see this as some cultural phenomenon. Maybe it's due to the different habits in concerts. In Hong Kong, local bands and artists love to go to places where people can sit during the concert. It sounds like locals don't like standing. However for me, I think standing gives you more space to dance or move in the music. Anyway, maybe due to this sitting habit, local fans love to bring banners or lighting stuff as a kind of enhancement of the atmosphere, or, attraction - they hope the lighting stuff can make their idols turn their heads and have certain kind of communication with them.
So the problem comes to me is, is it the live music that they want in a concert or they just want to see their idols? For me, I think going concerts is for the sake of enjoying live music, seeking that kind of feeling totally different from listening to iPod. Of cause seeing the bands in person is a kind of pleasure but what's more important is the music, so why striking for the artists' attention while you gotta throw yourself into the sea of music? Personally I think that's kinda tiring, taking care of sth except of music in such kind of occasion.
But there is something undeniable is that, the pop concert culture in different places are different. (OK, I know that's too general for conclusion but what do you ask for? I am just mumbling in this blog!)
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