The Unbreakable Desire

Honestly, as one of a classmates said when she found out I am a Pisces, I could be very emotional and sentimental and unstable from time to time. I see myself as an alternative romanticist who love dreaming about the things people seldom dream about.

And I am proud to be a niche.

However similar to most of the Pisces, I change a lot. I remember that like a year ago I was still a fearless fresh graduate who would die to be a creative in the Advertising industry. Now, being exposed to the world I long for, I somehow find this is no place for me but the other related fields! And I have to admit this is BAD, totally bad.

I start to wonder where my heart truly lies.
Just watched the latest episode of Sakura of Yae (八重の桜), a Japanese historical drama (時代劇, Jidaigeki) about the educator and a skilled female gunner named Yamanoto Yaeko (新島八重) who is also known as the "Jeanne D'Arc of The Edo Times". And I am deeply impressed of the last scene that her father and brother finally agreed to let her learn how to use a gun. Holding a rifle in hand Yae finally felt the weight of the "weapon that takes others' lives", her brother Kakuma (覚馬), who was also a talented gunner and a man of passion, asked her to hold it in position and said:

"You're a daughter of a samurai family, you cannot walk away form what you've decided to do until you've reached perfection. You cannot complain about the tiredness, nor cry about it. And even you've reached perfection, no one will praise you. If you hate it, put the gun down immediately."

Holding still, Yae did not put her gun down.

"Are you ready?" Kakuma asked.

"Yes!" Yaeko answered, without hesitation. And there she started.

Indeed "Are you ready" could not accurately translated the original line (覚悟ほ いいな) for which "覚悟" indeed connotes a sense of "no turning back". And it is a kind of awakening that no matter what, you go on and on and on till the final destination, which, for the Japanese who are kinda extreme, is absolute perfection. Now that's something needs the most unbreakable desire for the state of perfection. And a shit loads of passion, too. Such a scene makes me reflect on myself: what's the thing that I have my 覚悟 towards it?

Luckily, I still have a bit of time to think carefully about this, probably be the most important decision in life?

Maybe more important than getting married, in some sense. LOL