Getting nervous again

Yep, tomorrow I will start a new page of life - attending my first full-time job, as a fresh graduate.

Actually I am so nervous about this coz there is too much uncertainty: will my assignment to be hard? Will I be able to handle it? Would I make myself look stupid? How about my colleagues-to-be? Are all as (seemingly) nice as the HR manager?

The point is, WILL I SURVIVE?

Tho I know I should not see myself as Yoshiki since he is, actually, not a normal human being. (LOL) However his way of doing things is kinda like what I am being positioned now: taking risks, facing uncertainty in every second. Like he always does, I wanna say "sleepless again!" too.

But will I be able to tackle almost all the obstacles as beautifully as he does?

Now the music of X and the magical voice of Toshi can be my only sleeping pills for this night...

Once again, I am surrounded by hopes and fears at the same time.

Oh my God, please grant me your kindness, I will need it...especially this week and next *smile*

Sometimes, you need to be defeated

I think now I know what to say if I am asked the question: "what is your biggest weakness?"

"The haunting desperate desire of being totally independent from the others"

I always overestimate myself in the way that I think if I am going to ask somebody else "what to do?" is a kind of shame. You need to ask because you can't work it by yourself. But the fact is it's because I am a stranger to this kinda thing that I need guidance!

I love to learn, but only when I am at school - where the only thing to do is TO LEARN. However that's not the fact, we've things to learn whenever you need the knowledge that we do not have.

My confidence make me strong, but at the same time, it makes me weak.

I think I will have to learn how to master it, on top of all kinda skills.

Job-hunting, indeed it's another project I am going to accomplish.

The Bravery for a Brand New Start

"None of us can ever be freed from worrying since every one of us is surrounded by hopes and fears at the same time. If these two elements have equal shares in life, then I wish I can have more hopes, even it's just 1% more" - Yoshiki.

Just wanted to say, I regain my bravery from these words. I think I need to thank God for arranging my chance encounter with the super song "Art of Life" (which has been in my computer for so long that I did not listen to it carefully till now? No way, this must be God's doing LOL) that leads me to the fascination about X Japan and its leader Yoshiki, who truly inspires me as an human being, a crazy perfectionist and a man who always places himself as the fighter against all odds in life.

Now I only pray for a good job that allows me to develop my career path as THE copywriter in the field of Advertising...this is what I need for burning my life like Yoshiki does.

In the end, I just one thing for me to grab on.

I wanna be this man

When I first read the biography of YOSHIKI, the drummer/pianist/leader of the legendary band X Japan, I just thought: "Wow...this man is God. How come he can push his limit further and further, again and again? Besides a good singing voice, this man has everything!"

And then I realized, he is my ultimate role model - no matter what kind of person I am becoming, with his kind of extreme fearlessness, impossible is nothing.

Or, am I just overestimating myself again?

Things got fucked up again

One little chance encounter, and my mind is messed up again.

It's for sure he senses nothing about my subtle affection, which is already frustrating, but I have never thought I would still stirred by his mere presence at this stage which I have told myself to let him go! Shit, how come I would become like this?

Even more frustrating, I did enjoy the interaction with him...DUGH!!!!!

Just, pull yourself together ok?!

The CK who is proud of her rationalism...has gone?! Ah...please, someone help me...

Love is in the Air XD

So 25 is really the age to get married XD

Can't believe that two of my friends are getting married this year (or next, anyway soon enough before the World's End), and the good thing is I am quite confident that both the husbands are the one respectively for my friends! That's so nice.

For God's sake!

Ok, here is the story, a friend of mine who I think has never grown up from her teenage self is trying her best to annoy people around her, who, in this case, is me, again...dugh...

What the heck, this is one of the most annoying things she has ever done. The story is like this: she has this male friend and they are very close with each other - so close that they can discuss, not do, sexual things very easily (tho I have heard of this guy for loads of times, I have never come to know him personally...wait, does he know about me? I bet she would talk lots about me...GOSH! THIS IS NO GOOD!!!) and they treat each other so well that everyone will take them as a couple in relationship, just by description. I have not heard from them for quite a long time which things are fine for me and based on what I know, I think the guy has feeling for my friend!! Considering my case that ends up to be endless struggling, I think she should make a confess to him skillfully, in order to protect their friendship.