Spirited Away

Indeed as one my humorous colleagues said, "harmony-fication" is not something so far away that mostly be found in Mainland China - it's happening on me.

It's been almost a month for me to work in this almost-heaven design house. Well, one of the facts that it cannot be qualified be the real heaven is that my name is taken away - just like how Chihiro in Spirited Away is forced to call herself as Sen, I am forced to change the way people call me because my first name happens to be the same as one of my bosses...

That's why I always feel like I am acting as someone else in the office whenever some one calls me up.

Just a bit grumpy-ness

Sunny.

It’s the third week now and I still find myself living in a dream…I mean, everything is so surreal that I feel like I was in a dream…or am I dreaming a damn long dream?

But one thing keeps telling me I am living in the truth now: not everything is going in the way I wanted. If it was a dream, there would be a handsome young man who was my partner, some exciting projects like a new campaign for Harbour City (coz I hate that 做女人點可以唔化)…

Now, yes, at least I have a bunch of good mates and we are achieving something together, but that “something” is some something that is not my “something”…events, events and events. I love planning something, but my heart still belongs to real advertisement, not some PR promotional events…

I wish someday my comp will be able to do more serious advert, keeping on doing events? I feel like it’s wasting our talents, also mine. LOL

Getting nervous again

Yep, tomorrow I will start a new page of life - attending my first full-time job, as a fresh graduate.

Actually I am so nervous about this coz there is too much uncertainty: will my assignment to be hard? Will I be able to handle it? Would I make myself look stupid? How about my colleagues-to-be? Are all as (seemingly) nice as the HR manager?

The point is, WILL I SURVIVE?

Tho I know I should not see myself as Yoshiki since he is, actually, not a normal human being. (LOL) However his way of doing things is kinda like what I am being positioned now: taking risks, facing uncertainty in every second. Like he always does, I wanna say "sleepless again!" too.

But will I be able to tackle almost all the obstacles as beautifully as he does?

Now the music of X and the magical voice of Toshi can be my only sleeping pills for this night...

Once again, I am surrounded by hopes and fears at the same time.

Oh my God, please grant me your kindness, I will need it...especially this week and next *smile*

Sometimes, you need to be defeated

I think now I know what to say if I am asked the question: "what is your biggest weakness?"

"The haunting desperate desire of being totally independent from the others"

I always overestimate myself in the way that I think if I am going to ask somebody else "what to do?" is a kind of shame. You need to ask because you can't work it by yourself. But the fact is it's because I am a stranger to this kinda thing that I need guidance!

I love to learn, but only when I am at school - where the only thing to do is TO LEARN. However that's not the fact, we've things to learn whenever you need the knowledge that we do not have.

My confidence make me strong, but at the same time, it makes me weak.

I think I will have to learn how to master it, on top of all kinda skills.

Job-hunting, indeed it's another project I am going to accomplish.

The Bravery for a Brand New Start

"None of us can ever be freed from worrying since every one of us is surrounded by hopes and fears at the same time. If these two elements have equal shares in life, then I wish I can have more hopes, even it's just 1% more" - Yoshiki.

Just wanted to say, I regain my bravery from these words. I think I need to thank God for arranging my chance encounter with the super song "Art of Life" (which has been in my computer for so long that I did not listen to it carefully till now? No way, this must be God's doing LOL) that leads me to the fascination about X Japan and its leader Yoshiki, who truly inspires me as an human being, a crazy perfectionist and a man who always places himself as the fighter against all odds in life.

Now I only pray for a good job that allows me to develop my career path as THE copywriter in the field of Advertising...this is what I need for burning my life like Yoshiki does.

In the end, I just one thing for me to grab on.

I wanna be this man

When I first read the biography of YOSHIKI, the drummer/pianist/leader of the legendary band X Japan, I just thought: "Wow...this man is God. How come he can push his limit further and further, again and again? Besides a good singing voice, this man has everything!"

And then I realized, he is my ultimate role model - no matter what kind of person I am becoming, with his kind of extreme fearlessness, impossible is nothing.

Or, am I just overestimating myself again?

Things got fucked up again

One little chance encounter, and my mind is messed up again.

It's for sure he senses nothing about my subtle affection, which is already frustrating, but I have never thought I would still stirred by his mere presence at this stage which I have told myself to let him go! Shit, how come I would become like this?

Even more frustrating, I did enjoy the interaction with him...DUGH!!!!!

Just, pull yourself together ok?!

The CK who is proud of her rationalism...has gone?! Ah...please, someone help me...