Can't imagine it's been (more than) a year

As titled, I just can't imagine I have abandoned this blog for more than a year. Reading the "most recent" blog post, tho it is complaining about my work and (female) boss who took my name away and forced me to be called in another way which I did not like, ironically I miss those days now.

People always say that going to school is way much better than going to work, coz it's all yours in school and  you are totally free with all the aspects in life. As for work, you will be pushed by boss(es), colleagues, and the worst, clients. Well, somehow I do agree with that because at least I have control over my schedule, the people I have to be responsible with are my groupmates only, and that's all. However the 3 years I spent with Comparative Literature has completely shaped me into a logical thinker rather than a scientific thinker. It is to my surprise that academically speaking, Advertising is such a pain in the ass because we need to make up data and information for the doggone projects from time to time.

Think this is worst to be liars? Well it's just school project so no one cares, however what makes me feel sick is the attitude of the programme leader, who is a full time professor of the university.

I am always thankful for the fact that being open-minded is a must for ad guys, and that's why I am getting along quite well with the Mainland Chinese that we are able to appreciate the brighter parts of each other and won't end up with quarrel - well, at least on the surface, deep down in political terms we might not be getting along this well, I don't know cause I won't risk our friendship on this. However my professor - who is a Hong Kong citizen - seems ignoring the political factors and try to encourage the ideology that Hong Kong has to open up itself to China. What? OK, professor, first, in Basic Law, which I still distinctive remember, it is stated that at least for 50 years Hong Kong can keep its own way of doing - which includes political - that is different from Mainland China. In short, their doings should not affect us in this scale as we see now. Second, all we need is mutual respect. Tourists, honestly, are indeed the most representative tourism endorsement for a place. This is one of the most subtle forms of PR in a national scale. The sad thing is for most of the Chinese tourists we meet on the street are rude and impolite. And worse they love to break your rules and take that as something to be glorified, oh and they see themselves as our saviors coz they "give us money to spend". The worst thing is, when all we can see are "endorsement" in this kind, how can we Hong Kong citizens have good impression towards this place? How can we build a sense of belonging for this place? Plus the undesirable political environment, a not-so-money-oriented local would not dare to go to work there, at least not willingly. It does not mean that we are closing ourselves, but when this is the way to keep ourselves safe, we would probably chose this hard way.

And I shall pay my most respect to CC Tang, one of the best creatives in Hong Kong who had worked in China for several years and is still proud of being a Hong Kong citizen. I love his "be Hong Kong" statement - indeed, why China needs another Shanghai and Beijing, both economically and politically?

Oh my bad, I forget what the Communists fear most is difference.

I think the most unbearable point now is that I can totally feel what it's like to be with people who are being cultural different from you, like even tho we write in the same language, for most of the time I cannot get their meaning coz their ways of writing is totally different from us. Tho we do respect each other in most situations, but I sense the differences so strongly that I know, our city and this country can hardly get along. This is not an epic love story which only 2 people are involved, but the whole community consists of 7 millions people. Cultural differences are real unbreakable obstacles for two places to break through. Why can't they just learn the way when Britain took over Wales? Just let it be, time will group them together in a harmonious way.

But at this stage, all I ask for it "leave us alone", that's all.

Spirited Away

Indeed as one my humorous colleagues said, "harmony-fication" is not something so far away that mostly be found in Mainland China - it's happening on me.

It's been almost a month for me to work in this almost-heaven design house. Well, one of the facts that it cannot be qualified be the real heaven is that my name is taken away - just like how Chihiro in Spirited Away is forced to call herself as Sen, I am forced to change the way people call me because my first name happens to be the same as one of my bosses...

That's why I always feel like I am acting as someone else in the office whenever some one calls me up.

Just a bit grumpy-ness

Sunny.

It’s the third week now and I still find myself living in a dream…I mean, everything is so surreal that I feel like I was in a dream…or am I dreaming a damn long dream?

But one thing keeps telling me I am living in the truth now: not everything is going in the way I wanted. If it was a dream, there would be a handsome young man who was my partner, some exciting projects like a new campaign for Harbour City (coz I hate that 做女人點可以唔化)…

Now, yes, at least I have a bunch of good mates and we are achieving something together, but that “something” is some something that is not my “something”…events, events and events. I love planning something, but my heart still belongs to real advertisement, not some PR promotional events…

I wish someday my comp will be able to do more serious advert, keeping on doing events? I feel like it’s wasting our talents, also mine. LOL

Getting nervous again

Yep, tomorrow I will start a new page of life - attending my first full-time job, as a fresh graduate.

Actually I am so nervous about this coz there is too much uncertainty: will my assignment to be hard? Will I be able to handle it? Would I make myself look stupid? How about my colleagues-to-be? Are all as (seemingly) nice as the HR manager?

The point is, WILL I SURVIVE?

Tho I know I should not see myself as Yoshiki since he is, actually, not a normal human being. (LOL) However his way of doing things is kinda like what I am being positioned now: taking risks, facing uncertainty in every second. Like he always does, I wanna say "sleepless again!" too.

But will I be able to tackle almost all the obstacles as beautifully as he does?

Now the music of X and the magical voice of Toshi can be my only sleeping pills for this night...

Once again, I am surrounded by hopes and fears at the same time.

Oh my God, please grant me your kindness, I will need it...especially this week and next *smile*

Sometimes, you need to be defeated

I think now I know what to say if I am asked the question: "what is your biggest weakness?"

"The haunting desperate desire of being totally independent from the others"

I always overestimate myself in the way that I think if I am going to ask somebody else "what to do?" is a kind of shame. You need to ask because you can't work it by yourself. But the fact is it's because I am a stranger to this kinda thing that I need guidance!

I love to learn, but only when I am at school - where the only thing to do is TO LEARN. However that's not the fact, we've things to learn whenever you need the knowledge that we do not have.

My confidence make me strong, but at the same time, it makes me weak.

I think I will have to learn how to master it, on top of all kinda skills.

Job-hunting, indeed it's another project I am going to accomplish.

The Bravery for a Brand New Start

"None of us can ever be freed from worrying since every one of us is surrounded by hopes and fears at the same time. If these two elements have equal shares in life, then I wish I can have more hopes, even it's just 1% more" - Yoshiki.

Just wanted to say, I regain my bravery from these words. I think I need to thank God for arranging my chance encounter with the super song "Art of Life" (which has been in my computer for so long that I did not listen to it carefully till now? No way, this must be God's doing LOL) that leads me to the fascination about X Japan and its leader Yoshiki, who truly inspires me as an human being, a crazy perfectionist and a man who always places himself as the fighter against all odds in life.

Now I only pray for a good job that allows me to develop my career path as THE copywriter in the field of Advertising...this is what I need for burning my life like Yoshiki does.

In the end, I just one thing for me to grab on.

I wanna be this man

When I first read the biography of YOSHIKI, the drummer/pianist/leader of the legendary band X Japan, I just thought: "Wow...this man is God. How come he can push his limit further and further, again and again? Besides a good singing voice, this man has everything!"

And then I realized, he is my ultimate role model - no matter what kind of person I am becoming, with his kind of extreme fearlessness, impossible is nothing.

Or, am I just overestimating myself again?